Righteous? Really?

Recently I have been praying that Jesus would make my need for grace more a reality for me - to help me see my sin and depravity as it really is so that I have a greater recognition of my dependence on His grace - that I would see my place at the foot of the Cross.  In self-righteousness I was blind to the sin in my life.  Truth says:

"We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away" (Isaiah 64:6)

"Though I say to the righteous that he shall surely live, yet if he trusts in his righteousness and does injustice, none of his righteous deeds shall be remembered, but in his injustice that he has done he shall die." (Ezekiel 33:13)

“None is righteous, no, not one" (Romans 3:10)

As the Spirit is answering this prayer and searching out and exposing the hidden things in me, it is no lovely thing to be confronted with sin.  The ugliness that lurks in my flesh is appalling to me, it's embarrassing and gross.  Truth says that if I trust in the "good" I have done and yet sin even a bit, that the "good" won't be remembered.  (I've heard people say that they've been "good enough", that the good outweighs the bad.  One sin though annuls all the "good").  And Romans clearly says that no one is righteous, so all of our potentially good things are not remembered.  And even those "righteous" things we did, those are even filthy to God who is perfect and Holy.  

So as God continues to search out and expose sin in my life, I have been thinking and praying on some things.  First, do I weep over sin because I am sincerely broken over that sin and it's offense to God, or am I just weeping from embarrassment and the thought that others will think less of me? Do I rely on my own ability to "fix" these problems, or do I depend on the Spirit's power to transform and redeem me? Do I believe that is possible?  I am trying to take these things to people in my life who really love Jesus to confess and repent.  That is a hard thing to do. I had no idea how physically and emotionally taxing yesturday would be as Jesus kept instructing me to confess these things He is showing me until it was all dragged into the light.  But I'm finding grace there at His cross, expressed through His word, through people who hear my sin and struggles and love me still, evidencing in flesh and blood the covenant, unfailing love of Jesus. 

We are fools to think we don't belong at the foot of the cross just as much as every other sinner.  But it is at the cross where the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin (1 John 1:7).  I don't think that has sunk in yet.  All sin.  And this is something done for me.  I am powerless to do this.  It is purely the grace of a King who loved so greatly that He took all that sin, all that putrid disgusting perversion of goodness, on Himself, bore an excruciating death, and rose in victory over all sin, so that any grossness in me finds death in the victory and power of Christ.  So if my sin is exposed and I am seen as the true wreck I am so that the grace and glory and power of Jesus might be revealed more clearly and exalted more greatly, then okay. 

Dress us up

God has moved in ways beyond my expectation and presumptions, both in the last months, my life overall, and shall I say in history.  He is so graciously showing me sweeter depths of His love and grace.  There is a song by John Mark McMillan with lyrics that say "Dress us up in your righteousness...Dress us up in the blood of your Son who opened up His veins so that we can overcome, death and the grave in the power of His love..." (see this link for the lyrics).  I've been thinking about that.  That it is Jesus, our groom, that dresses us in white.  I was thinking of a bride.  One of the things the Spirit has been revealing to me is pride, and my arrogant self-exaltation as god of my life, declaring my own righteousness.  This is not truth, not did it leave any room for grace from which to love and serve others.  So to use the bridal example, if I did everything right (and of course I was setting the standards for rightness it seems) then God would have to give me the perfecting ending (in this case a perfect marriage) and I could wear white on my wedding because I had not broken any of the rules (I had made).  But get this.  It is the Bridegroom that dresses us, head to toe, in white.  Not for what we have done or not done, but because of Him.  If you read the Prodigal Son, I battle Elder Brother Syndrome.  That angst that I feel in my flesh that the rebellious kid gets a party?  When "I did everything you asked!"  Ah.  But I do not know the Father then.  It is not our "good behavior" that merits His approval or blessing.  He's just gracious and generous and good!  I was talking with my dear roommate who God has totally put in my life to mortify my flesh and exalt His glory.  If we go by my list of rules for "perfection", she broke all of them.  But get this.  We both wear white to the wedding.  Because Jesus, the Bridegroom who pursues and loves us, dresses us up in His righteousness.  So rebellious or religious, both of us sinners, stand in perfect holiness before God in Jesus through His finished work on the cross.  And we stand in that alone. 

So about having a roommate.  Growing up I was told (a lie) that as a woman, I needed to be able to "stand on my own".  That I should live alone for at least a year before ever getting married or something.  That I needed to be able to support myself, know "who I am".  That kind of thing.  Now, the women in my life who told me that, I know they meant well. It's a life philosophy that leads to a lived theology.  It's just not one that originates in Jesus or His Word, so it's not the one I choose to live by anymore.  Living alone, you get to be "god" of your home.  I learned to control my space and really, be selfish. (I'm not saying you are selfish if you live alone.  Please hear me out).  But if we really want to put to death the things that are contrary to Jesus, those things in our flesh, giving myself a little "kingdom" isn't a good remedy.  But go live with one or more people also pursuing Jesus and His Kingdom over your life, and that flesh will be mortified.  Instead of finding myself, I find more of Christ. Instead of selfishness, I learn generosity.  Instead of controlling and getting to say what goes, I give up my rights to serve someone else.  I recommend roommates- people to press you on to the goal of knowing Jesus. 

So those are the thoughts for this morning and all the time I have before this day gets into full swing.  I'm praying for you.