Weeping and Rejoicing

Next week Deb and I meet to sign papers on the Alhambra House. God has provided us a house to rent in Alhambra Village in answer to months of prayer. We move there simply because Jesus invited us to. Alhambra, if you aren't familiar with it, is a broken place. I was just reading through stats for the area. That's why I was weeping. I sat under a sky of crystal blue scattered with billowing majestic clouds, both rain drops and sun hitting my face. On my lap a purple folder filled with reports. One of these a partial listing of the sex offenders in the Village. And I wept. On my knees, broken for these and the children and women and men hurt by their actions. And for them. I cried out to the Lord, and read each name aloud. And just cried.

Alhambra Village is one of 15 urban villages near and around downtown/central phoenix and is considered the heart of the city. It is a large area of 19 square miles with the Chris-Town center as the core. We will be moving to the south-west corner. In our zip code, the average income is half that of the state average and 34.7% of residents are below the poverty level (compared to 16.5% in the state and 21% in Phoenix). The population density is 8,460 people per square mile (in phoenix the average is 2,782). Less than 25% of residents are white, and 50% speak English at home. Approximately 35% of residents are foreign born with Mexico being the most common place of origin followed by Vietnam, Guatemala, El Salvador, Cuba, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Philippines, and others. I don't want to paint a skewed picture for you. But I want to open up your eyes and just share some facts. Like the list of men charged with sex crimes that sits on the table next to me. Sex-trafficking and abuse, particularly of children, is a huge problem in Phoenix. Alhambra is part of what is known as the "black hole" of Phoenix - an area with some of the highest rates of sex-trafficking in the state. (Check out streetlightphx.com for more info on child sex-slavery and trafficking in Arizona and some ways to help) As for other crimes, if you look up a map of violent crime in Phoenix, we're sitting in one of the hot spots.

So why move to Alhambra? When, when God calls us, He calls us to Himself, not a place. Whoever we are, Jesus says come follow me. But that requires something. It means forsaking everything else. It isn't just doing a few things at the church each week or giving x% to the poor. It's surrendering your whole life, everything about you. So instead of saying "this is the job I want, the house I want, the life I want..." it's saying "Jesus, whatever you desire, that I will do". I had always wanted to go somewhere else. I asked God to give me the nations. I was ready to do anywhere he would send me. Or so I thought. Phoenix? You're calling me where? Really? I have a heart for the world, those who suffer and are broken and hurting and lost. But wherever you are, those people are there. Now, I don't want to in any way minimize the risk and danger that some face for loving Jesus and the sacrifice that some face to serve Jesus is astronomical in comparison. But we serve one Father, we are one family with one goal. To go into all the world, preach the gospel, make disciples - people living transformed lives for the glory of God. We want people to meet Jesus and know the power of the cross. So no matter where you live or what you do, if Jesus has called you, you are every moment either being obedient and living on mission or you aren't. Will you let Him lead your life? Don't just live your life and hope to tag a little christianity in for good measure. And I say that with a lot of grace because I in no way live every moment to the glory of God. I wish I did. But honestly, sometimes I just choose sin. But, again, by grace God is faithful; He always completes what He has begun. And since He has begun in me, I know He will complete it.
So it's a fabulous cool, cloudy, and very uncharacteristic Phoenix day in May. I'm getting over a cold but enjoying the weather immensely. Exciting things are happening and I rejoice in the grace of Jesus! Last night I felt over and again this sense of "Wow, God! Really? I get to do this!?" Last night I sat around a steel-topped table with 5 amazing men and my friend and upcoming roommate Deb. These men are the elders of my church and I am so grateful to be a part of this. There was just something in the air...I love that I go to a church where the leadership is open and humble and real with their humanity in a way that magnifies the life-changing power and grace of Jesus right before my eyes. And then there is Deb. When God answered my prayer in January for where to go next, He soon made it clear I wasn't to go alone. And to be honest I didn't want a roommate, but that's mostly because of pride and where there is pride, well, there is work to be done and flesh-mortification that needs to take place. So God changed Deb's heart to want to move and changed mine to rejoice in her being there. I don't have any idea what life will look like in Alhambra, but it should in some ways look the way life should be everyday, no matter where I am: living on purpose to glorify Jesus and serve Him and the city He's place me in.

Ends and Means

There is this song I really enjoy by Caedmon's Call. It talks about that God not only plans the end but He will also plan the means. Sometimes, often, I sin in my doubt of God's goodness, sovereignty and love. I wrestle to set my mind on the things of Christ, and far too oft realize that for days I have let down my guard and slowly didn't notice until I wonder why I am in such a funk, and then there is that realization. And even that comes through Grace.

In his book Humility C.J Mahaney drives home the ever present Grace of God (and our desperate dependence on it). It's there whether we acknowledge it or not. I want to come to live at the foot of the cross more and more. At this point I still get antsy and move away trying to yet again be god in my life and tell the real King how it should go. But ever so gently and with great patient-love, He trains me. He doesn't punish, He teaches.

I was sick this weekend. Nothing like laryngitis to smack you in the face with your need for grace and your own insufficiency. If not for grace, there is nothing. We have absolutely nothing to boast in. And when we do get the gall to boast, it's laughable! To say I am strong and healthy and not in need of more sleep? Bah! This flimsy flesh of mine crashes and sleep claims me and demands I submit to the frailty and admit that I am not God. My "goodness"? Bah! Another song says "You stay God though I stay man, you give more though I give less, and I have been the most and the least of these but you're the same to me" (The Merry Way). He stays God. No matter what we do. No matter how great we think we are. He stays God. And He keeps giving love. Keeps giving grace. I'm preparing a lesson for the Jr. High kids at church Sunday. We've been discussing other religions and Christianity and some of the distinctives. This image of an old scale is vivid in my mind. You know, the old kind with the fulcrum in the middle and a brass basin on either side? In every other religion one works to get enough good marks to get to go to heaven. If the good outweighs the bad, if they reach a certain level of enlightenment, a certain point of self-awareness or devotion or adherence to rules... There in the balance, all their deeds are weighed and if there are enough... But Jesus, He just takes the scale away. So Mahaney talks about cultivating an awareness of grace. I'm trying that. Ask about the specifics or read the book. I'd love to talk to you about it!

So I must be living the means. But the end to which it leads? I really have no real idea. I mean, ultimately I know Jesus will rule, but here on earth, where all this is leading, that part? We shall see! So many answered prayers, such deep confirmation and grace! But it is getting late so more on that to come!