How can I describe it? How to put into words that which takes place deep in the soul, those inner groanings, those inaudible conversations with God. You know what I'm talking about? That deep breath that keeps your spirit alive and your soul sustained; that place you go with questions and ponderings and marvel at the work of a God who knows far beyond what we can ever dream? The God who, while being intimately involved in my life, has global, eternal plans for His glory. I spent this evening at a membership class for my church. This was no sales pitch, this was in every way three hours of good theology and purpose bound up in a unified vision and love. Tears? Oh yeah. Why? Because God is so good and this is just another step in a journey that's been taking place within God's Story and this particular life of mine. So go back a bit, a few years now really, and there I was praying about where God would have me be in terms of corporate worship. It wasn't long after that that He informed me that I was to return to Phoenix for internships. So when I knew I would be coming to AZ, the prayers took a more focused direction that God would bring me to where He would have me. But in the months that followed I was confused. I had brought my request to the Lord and it seemed that what I was praying was in His will right? I mean after all I was praying for a Gospel-living group of folks to do life with. So tonight I write to tell you about a little piece that is making more and more sense in this story, but this comes after over a year and a half of "huh?" moments.
Skipping some details, in the early spring last year I had just begun attending Mars Hill up in Seattle on a regular basis. I remember one afternoon in particular, as I was driving between Ballard and downtown for lunch on a cloudy (no shock there) afternoon and I was passionately frustrated. God was growing this desire in my heart. I can't even now totally explain all the facets of that, but I wanted to move into the urban core of the city, I wanted to turn my then priorities upside-down and just give everything to the service of that church family and the city. And there I was desperate for that and knowing that God had told me to go to Phoenix. I couldn't figure out why God was growing my heart for the city while telling me to leave it! Well...God doesn't waste anything in our lives. There I was, loving living in WA - finishing school, enjoying farmers markets, basking under shady trees and taking walks with friends by the Sound - and God knew what was coming and I think He decided to get a head start in preparing me for what He had waiting here in Phoenix. I left WA and moved to Africa for 4 months, all the while wondering what on earth God was up to and, to be honest, I was dragging my feet when it came to AZ (He would eventually point out my pouty-poop attitude). Well, it would be a book to tell you all that has happened in my heart over the last 6 months or so; perhaps I'll unpack some of that eventually for you. To sum it up though, God definitely, purposefully, put those desires for city and Gospel in my heart. I was just rather narrow-visioned to think it only meant that city. It's a desire that comes not from me, so the fact that I'm moving in this direction at all is by the work of Jesus in me. There's a ton going on and I am blow away by the mercy and grace of Jesus. It is of absolutely of no merit of my own that I do or am anything. So a three hour discussion on membership. And there's a 12 chapter study ahead for which I am very excited. To commit to something, to Someone, to a lot of someones, men and women, an amazing family. To sign my name and say I take on the responsibility for the welfare of this group and will love them and serve them. I'm very excited. I laugh! There's so much in store...
